Being around people with preferred pronouns?

[Sophia]

I understand a trans person wanting to be called he/she if they transitioned or are in the process of it but what I don't understand is the "they/them" thing or the other weird sounding words I am not even sure how to spell. I feel like it is just making a mess of the English language and it is hurting childrens' understand of the language as well as making it harder for immigrants to learn the language. I am a grown woman and I can't make sense of it! 

How do you handle people around people who have preferred pronouns that are confusing? 

[James]

I have not met any of these people in my social circles yet. There was an event I was at in California a few years back where they had these pronoun stickers for you to put on your name badge. There were 100s of different options. Non of it makes any sense to me. I don't care how people identify but it should not impact other people at the same time. 

I know there are some places in corporate America where this is becoming huge. How are people dealing with these kinds of situations? 

[Ella]

The only place I have seen do anything related to this was Starbucks. They have people wear their preferred pronouns on their uniforms. I was taken back with this one... Uhh female? For a lack of a better word and understanding, she wanted to be called kit/koo or something like that. I had no idea how to even speak with her. I didn't want to upset her or make a fool out of myself so I just stopped going to Starbucks after that. 

[Scarlett]

While I don't have anyone in my social circle with preferred pronouns, my younger cousin does. Recently, she brought her friend to a family gathering and made it known she (biological female) wanted to be called they/them. It was a bit weird at first but everyone was fine with it and got used to after a while. I mean I don't see the big deal with it if it makes people happy but you can't expect everyone to know how to address you or be willing to change their understanding of the English language at the drop of a hat for you. This doesn't translate well in other languages either as many of them have gender-specific terms, ones for males and ones for females. An example in English of this is blond vs blonde.  

Edited June 10, 2021 by Scarlett

[Stacey]

I am the type to say live and let live. It is weird to me but I don't judge people. So long as their lifestyle and choices in life do not hinder mine, I see no issue in it. I work with a few people who have preferred pronouns and no one makes a fuss about it. 

[Justin89]

If you want to be called he, she, them, their, whatever it may be, more power to you. But, don't get mad if I call you mam or sir based off of what you look like to me. If I see a trans woman or man, I will say their preferred pronouns. But don't expect me to know everyone's gender. That's my issue with the pronouns. There's too many of them it seems and more are added. 

As long as you calmly tell me what you identify as, I will start to talk that way. I always say "her" when speaking to a trans female, and he/him for a trans male. But I can't know if you identify as they, them or some other pronoun. I still don't get the They/Them stuff, as that doesn't really make sense, considering they/them is plural isn't it? But to each their own I suppose. 

[Emma]

I have to agree with Justin. I am not going to go out of my way to try and figure out what someone is or wants to be. If I can see a man dressed as a woman, it is a safe bet he wants to be called a she but some people don't even try to make an effort. I have seen guys in videos saying they are women with full beards and dressing like a standard guy would. How do you expect people to think otherwise if you make no effort? I don't know. Maybe I am old school but if you want to be called something that contradicts the way you physically appear to be, you need to make it clear to people without them needing to ask or not get offended so easily when people get it wrong.

[Kuro]

Yeah I'm on the fence about this too. While I agree that everyone should feel welcome and absolutely no one should feel insulted. And as a male if I was going around being called a female I too would feel a bit down, but I'm not sure what the exact solution for this is. People don't want to be bothered by the process of learning and known all these pronouns, and at the same time don't want others to feel unwelcomed or "not themselves"

[Ella]

On 6/9/2021 at 8:48 PM, Scarlett said:

While I don't have anyone in my social circle with preferred pronouns, my younger cousin does. Recently, she brought her friend to a family gathering and made it known she (biological female) wanted to be called they/them. It was a bit weird at first but everyone was fine with it and got used to after a while. I mean I don't see the big deal with it if it makes people happy but you can't expect everyone to know how to address you or be willing to change their understanding of the English language at the drop of a hat for you. This doesn't translate well in other languages either as many of them have gender-specific terms, ones for males and ones for females. An example in English of this is blond vs blonde.  

That is something I was thinking as well. In English we can poke around and make adjustments but most if not all other languages and gender specific ways of addressing people and it can be very hard for immigrants coming into the US... Like I can't imagine trying to make sense of this as an outsider! Language needs to be universal in understanding at the very least. 

[Lana]

That's why I think people are starting to show their preferred pronouns on their social profiles. I personally have no issue if someone doesn't get my pronouns right. It's no skin off my back. I agree with Justin, in that we can't expect to know what ones preferred pronouns are, because of there being so many different ones out there. So if I call you a man when you identify as a women, or them, they, etc, Then tell me. I can't be expected to know aside from male/female. 

[Scarlett]

^ Exactly! I just people to understand most of us who get it wrong sometimes don't mean to do it to be offensive or mean. That is the only issue I have with it. I have heard of people getting fired over it. Like come on. 

[Yonder]

On 6/12/2021 at 1:13 PM, Kuro said:

Yeah I'm on the fence about this too. While I agree that everyone should feel welcome and absolutely no one should feel insulted. And as a male if I was going around being called a female I too would feel a bit down, but I'm not sure what the exact solution for this is. People don't want to be bothered by the process of learning and known all these pronouns, and at the same time don't want others to feel unwelcomed or "not themselves"

I agree with this, I don't mean to offend anyone but you cannot expect me to know or memorize things for your convenience.