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How To Overcome Fear Of Intimacy


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Let’s face it- fear of intimacy is very real and can happen to anybody at any point in time. For humans, love and care go together and are an essential part of everybody’s lives. I believe that this is a basic need, and every individual deserves to be loved. 

However, sometimes, due to issues in the past or due to low self-esteem, you might try to ward off being intimate with others. This fear may be associated with either physical or emotional intimacy, and both can harm relationships if not taken care of at an early stage. 

Some people try to hide their fear of connecting emotionally using sex, while others would express themselves emotionally and try to avoid physical intimacy. Let me try to explain how this inhibition can be countered with the help of three simple strategies. 

#1 Communication: communication is key in any relationship, and I will suggest that you start talking about your issues. Problems arise when the line of communication is closed, and you are unable to share your feelings with your loved one. If you have had issues with trust or loyalty, start talking about them. Express your fears and see how your partner responds. 

If the person is unable to understand your fear of intimacy, then it is time to move on. You will have to take a leap of faith and be vulnerable with the person you are with. Building a relationship is always a two-way street, and this is where you need to initiate the process. 

#2 Building trust: once you have developed an open line of communication with your loved one, it is time to move forward and build trust. Talk about your plans, hobbies, passion, interests and dreams and listen to your partner too. Find the common points and make plans together. This will slowly help in building trust for both sides and will also help the relationship grow. 

#3 Talking to professionals: if your fear of intimacy roots in lower self-esteem or trust issues, then it can be dealt with by talking to your significant other. But in case you have a serious fear of abandonment or childhood trauma, it is best to seek professional guidance. 

There is nothing wrong in doing so, and you can always talk to a therapist or counsellor. They will help you deal with the problem in the most effective manner so that you can enjoy a healthy and happy relationship. 

What are some tips that help you overcome fear of intimacy? 

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Fear of intimacy usually deals with trauma. It might not be something extremely bad (such as being sexually assaulted as a child) but rather poor social skills learned by your parents. A friend of mine grew up with parents who NEVER showed affection for each other. No hugs, kisses, nothing. Because of this, she never knew how to properly act in an intimate setting and thought she was meant to be like they showed it in shows and movies so every relationship she had was a let down. 

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On 8/23/2021 at 8:03 PM, Emma said:

Fear of intimacy usually deals with trauma. It might not be something extremely bad (such as being sexually assaulted as a child) but rather poor social skills learned by your parents. A friend of mine grew up with parents who NEVER showed affection for each other. No hugs, kisses, nothing. Because of this, she never knew how to properly act in an intimate setting and thought she was meant to be like they showed it in shows and movies so every relationship she had was a let down. 

I know someone like this as well. It seems to be all too common and kids are forced to learn from TV, movies... And for boys, porn. That is the worst. Learning how to form intimacy with porn is not healthy or realistic and these boys grow up to become men who don't know how to function in a real adult relationship! 

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I had fear of intimacy growing up, not from anything that happened to me, just due to the way I looked. I was quite overweight growing up, and anytime I had a girlfriend and she was into, I would always blow it and rarely tried to kiss or do anything more. My anxiety would go crazy whenever I kissed a woman. There has been times where I literally passed out from it. I eventually got used to it when I started dating this one girl. She went slow with me and just made sure I was comfortable and ready. I really dug her, but she ended up cheating on me, great right? 

Ever since though, I have been good in terms of intimacy. I think she showed that there was nothing to worry about. 

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I totally agree. An i will just reiterate that TRUST is the big word here. Without full trust on each other it is impossible to gain intimacy. This is because these are matters of the heart. Which are often sensitive and just require nurturing and building trust over time. 

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