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Can you develop better communication skills on your own?


Ella
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I have always wondered this. I have my share of struggles with communicated when things are bothering me. I either get upset and cry (without people knowing I am!) or I get too mad and yell which doesn't solve anything. I think I learned both of these behaviors from watching my parents. Is there any way to fix this kind of stuff without seeking help from another person?

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I think in order to unlearn the behavior it is going to have to come up in the process of normal life. You will need to practice in real time. It may be difficult to practice the way you react to things when people are communicating with you. 

You can likely practice in a safe environment though with some role playing from close friends or family members. You can ask them to take a certain line of thought that would throw you off to your normal reaction and it will be that point where you can start to train yourself with the way you want to react. 

Meditation, Yoga, or breathing exercises can all be practiced on your own and should help in the way you react to certain things. 

How do other people find their way around this? 

I have the opposite problem with my oldest child. It feels like anything I say she just starts crying... So I have been working on my delivery and trying to soften messages but I still feel like I am a ways away form being a pro at communicating with her. 

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You need to be around people who communicate in a healthy manner. Since this was learned, you have to unlearn it like James said. So do your best to avoid people who reinforce this behavior and be around people more who help you work through it if issues arise! 

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I think you can by focusing on bettering your mood and you general outlook on things. Most people who have bad communication skills learned this and have stuck in the same mindset. This means they are not likely to change unless they put themselves in a position to do so. Like Sophia mentioned, try surrounding yourself when people who do not reinforce this behavior. 

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Thanks for your feedback on this guys! I am going to slowly implement some of the recommendations mentioned here and report back in a few weeks. See if I notice any improvements or if my husband has. 

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If you don't want to seek help from people, i suggest you try seek help from books. Because either way, you need to learn from somewhere how to do it the right way. But once you have the ideas, it is up to you to practice. Good communication skills is an art, like any other art, your must practice...practice...practice. One you feel you have practiced enough....practice even some more. Read more advanced books as you move on with the implementation.

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^ That is a good suggestion!

Self help books are actually really helpful and can set you up for success in a big way. Depending on your desires and needs, there are likely dozens of books you will find for each issue. 

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On 7/29/2021 at 11:40 PM, Ella said:

I have always wondered this. I have my share of struggles with communicated when things are bothering me. I either get upset and cry (without people knowing I am!) or I get too mad and yell which doesn't solve anything. I think I learned both of these behaviors from watching my parents. Is there any way to fix this kind of stuff without seeking help from another person?

Yes and No. Yes because you can read and get the concepts and skills required. And No because communication is a two way thing. So you need to get feedback on your progress. You need a partner to try the skills on, and let him or her give you feedback on your progress. You can have a mentor or someone to eavesdrop on your conversations and look at how you communicate so that s/he can give you advice or unbiased feedback on how good or bad you are doing. 

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20 hours ago, Xavier MG said:

Yes and No. Yes because you can read and get the concepts and skills required. And No because communication is a two way thing. So you need to get feedback on your progress. You need a partner to try the skills on, and let him or her give you feedback on your progress. You can have a mentor or someone to eavesdrop on your conversations and look at how you communicate so that s/he can give you advice or unbiased feedback on how good or bad you are doing. 

This is true. I guess you can't improve communication without actually testing it out. That makes 100% sense. I guess you can only learn so much on your own. 

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