Giving a family member a second chance

[Quinten]

I have a cousin who is estranged from the family. He was a heavy drinker and often was rude and obnoxious. We knew he was an addict, and tried to help him back then, but nothing worked. But, when we kind of stopped supporting his habit, he started to change his tune. He went to rehab a few months ago, and claims to be clean ever since. But I don't know if I can trust him. What would you do in this situation? Would you give him a second chance and let him back in the family? Or wait a while longer and see if he can keep this pace?

[James]

It sounds like rock bottom was hit and your cousin is now trying to change. For me I would need more time to pass and some actions to take place for trust to be rebuilt. Are they steadily paying for a roof to be over their head and do they have a steady job. Once they were able to hold onto that for a year or so I would say it is time for another try. 

When that happens just monitor closely as it may be something small that can send someone back down the wrong path. 

[Sophia]

I have a cousin who I was close with growing up. As she got older, she become more and more about attention vs actually forming friendships with other girls. She started lying about me to make herself look better to other boys and was quite "loose" from a young age, to keep it mildly. I stopped talking to her for a while and gave her another chance when I was 21 or so only to come to find out she was sexually abused by her father and became a stripped at the age of 16 (illegally, I might add). I tried to give her that chance (she had said she wasn't stripping anymore or doing anything of the sort) but she did the same old thing only this time she was drinking and sleeping around even more, never stopped stripping either. I just couldn't deal with that kind of person so I cut her out of my life and haven't spoken to her in years. I never plan on it either. Sometimes people, even if they are family, don't deserve a second chance because they simply have no desire to change or become a better person. 

[Stacey]

I am a three strikes and you're out kind of person. This goes for family as well. I have cut ties with most of my friends I grew up with and a lot of family members because of this but I have made amazing friends since then and found people I consider to be my family. I can forgive people but I can't keep people in my life who are toxic.

[bomb]

On 7/12/2021 at 2:14 AM, Quinten said:

I have a cousin who is estranged from the family. He was a heavy drinker and often was rude and obnoxious. We knew he was an addict, and tried to help him back then, but nothing worked. But, when we kind of stopped supporting his habit, he started to change his tune. He went to rehab a few months ago, and claims to be clean ever since. But I don't know if I can trust him. What would you do in this situation? Would you give him a second chance and let him back in the family? Or wait a while longer and see if he can keep this pace?

Blood is thicker than water! That is what i can say. Your family member deserves all the chances you can give, because when things get tough, there is nowhere else they can go, they will just have to come home to family. He should be encouraged to come and seek help from family members. And you should appreciate his efforts on rehab. He has showed his willingness to change. He only need your support and encouragement to stay on track.