Dealing with SO being gay?

[Yonder]

This happened to a friend of mine and I felt super bad, because I know it would suck much worse than a normal breakup

He was married for 4 years, and his wife mentioned that she was attracted to females and not males, and she had a tough time coming to terms with it for the past 10 years. He was cool about it and they had an amicable split, but He never looked the same.

[James]

That would be hard. I really do not know what my reaction would be if my significant other decided she was gay. Of course I would be supportive in any way I could be but it would be hard on me at the same time. That would be a hard one to recover from. 

I would have to dig deep and remember that I can not stress over things that are out of my control and this would be one of those things I have no control over. So like a blade of grass I would just have to blow whatever direction the wind was going. 

That is a hard situation for your friend. Hopefully he recovers and is able to find happiness for himself. 

[Quinten]

I think in the situation, I would be devastated, but I would be supportive of my girlfriend. Of course, I hope that's not the case, because I love my girlfriend, and that would essentially mean losing her and this relationship, and that would tear me apart. 

I can't imagine what your friend is going through. That then makes you wonder if she ever loved him, at which case, it's a bit harsh on her part to keep him in the dark for 4 years or more. Considering she's been struggling with this for nearly 10 years. I feel it kind of harsh to be in a relationship with someone all those years. I feel she owes him an apology for the relationship getting to the point of marriage. But that's just my opinion. 

[Rachel]

22 hours ago, Quinten said:

I think in the situation, I would be devastated, but I would be supportive of my girlfriend. Of course, I hope that's not the case, because I love my girlfriend, and that would essentially mean losing her and this relationship, and that would tear me apart. 

I can't imagine what your friend is going through. That then makes you wonder if she ever loved him, at which case, it's a bit harsh on her part to keep him in the dark for 4 years or more. Considering she's been struggling with this for nearly 10 years. I feel it kind of harsh to be in a relationship with someone all those years. I feel she owes him an apology for the relationship getting to the point of marriage. But that's just my opinion. 

I agree 100%. I feel like if someone knows they're gay, and know it for nearly 10 years, they owe it to their partner to share this details. I think she should have told him way before marriage was even considered. I know it's not easy for someone to come out as gay, as it's a very life changing thing. But this was also life changing for him, because he now is alone and lost the love of his life. As well, he probably had no idea she didn't love him back the same way. So in that regard, finding out someone didn't even love you, is even more devastating. It's essentially like all that time was wasted. 

If you know for a fact you're gay, it's on you to get that news out to your significant other as soon as possible, because it's not fair to that person being in a relationship where it's so one sided. I view this as similar to cheating on someone, because if you ever decide to cheat, I think it's best to let that person know and be done with the relationship. Holding someone to a relationship so long is abuse imo. 

I'm happy she is finding her true self, but in the process, it sounds like she hurt someone really bad. And I'm sorry, but I can't respect that choice, considering how long the relationship lasted. She should have been honest a lot sooner. 

[Brenden]

I agree with you guys on this. I feel like, if I was in the situation, I would be very mad. Not because of the outcome of my gf being gay, but more to do with lying to me for years. The relationship should have ended ages ago, or ended before marriage was even considered.

It's awesome she knows what she wants, and I understand that coming out, isn't easy. But, I think it's worse to keep someone in the dark, while you marry them and live with them. I think you owe it to that person once you start dating, or even before you consider dating. Otherwise, you're going to bring potential hurt on someone.

I feel for her, because gays have it very rough in this world, they're discriminated against, bullied and so on. But, we're all human here, and I think she needs to own up to what she did and at least apologize to him for "holding" onto him for too long. 

[Damon]

On 6/18/2021 at 1:31 PM, Brenden said:

I agree with you guys on this. I feel like, if I was in the situation, I would be very mad. Not because of the outcome of my gf being gay, but more to do with lying to me for years. The relationship should have ended ages ago, or ended before marriage was even considered.

It's awesome she knows what she wants, and I understand that coming out, isn't easy. But, I think it's worse to keep someone in the dark, while you marry them and live with them. I think you owe it to that person once you start dating, or even before you consider dating. Otherwise, you're going to bring potential hurt on someone.

I feel for her, because gays have it very rough in this world, they're discriminated against, bullied and so on. But, we're all human here, and I think she needs to own up to what she did and at least apologize to him for "holding" onto him for too long. 

Especially if she was with him those 10 years that she knew she was gay. That's way too long to keep someone in the dark. 

But, we don't know if the love was there or not. It's possible she did love him, in a more friend like manner, but still, some people can love people and not be sexually attracted to them. 

I think if you know you're gay, you need to tell your straight partner the truth right away, because dragging him/her along for years, is only going to hurt more when the revelation finally comes out.

[Emma]

I have never known anyone to have gone through this but the stories I have known about online and through other people have always dealt with men being in the closet and coming out years later to their wives. I think there used to be a pressure for people to get married and have children that gay folks struggled with. Since marriage is legal in the US now, I don't think it is so much of an issue anymore. Plenty have come out and have married or committed to the right person for them.