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Parent trying to move in?


Mila
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I have a friend who is buying her first home with her husband. Her mother and father are not in good financial standing. They have been on the brink of losing their second home for a few years now, they lost their first back in 2009. She is pressuring her already to let them move in when she and her husband buy a house. As if she owes them that. They are planning on having a family of their own and want their own space but she doesn't want to hear that. She has two other brothers, both of which are not married and have no children yet she is putting this all on her. Her husband already said it isn't happening. 

How can she get her mother off her back about this? She is too afraid to buy a larger house because she doesn't want her mother to guilt trip her into moving in. Her and her husband have been living with his parents and just want their own space. She had never lived on her own before without someone's parents being involved. 

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That sounds like a mess. I do feel sorry for her. I have a friend who's mother feels like she owes her everything and when she is old and can't care for herself, she will be the one who will be doing it. She has talked about moving out of state just to get away from her mother. I am not sure how to handle these situations. 

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She needs to set boundaries and if she can't do it now, she can do it after she moves. She needs to focus on her and her husband. If her mother cares at all, she will back off because if she pushes her too much she could risk losing her. 

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Super depressing when situations like this arise. I blame the parents who see their children as "owing them" something for raising them. While I agree that kids should be grateful, parents expecting something in return shows that they didn't do it for all the selfless reasons.

Your friend just needs to set boundaries, or (worst comes to worst) she can just say her husband said no (if her husband is willing to go down this route)

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I have had a friend who gone through something similar. After she had moved, it was not brought up again because my friend's father actually got really angry at her mother for it. Most people would see the commonsense in this and know she is asking too much. Someone will put her straight. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

She has to put her foot down. I know it seems hard and she likely doesn't want to hurt her feelings but it has to be done. 

She will not stop and it will likely only get worse if she doesn't do anything about it. She will be mad or upset in the moment but she will get over it.

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